Rabbi Yochanan

B"H

An interesting story about Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakay can be found in Tractate Brachot 28b:
וכשחלה רבי יוחנן בן זכאי נכנסו תלמידיו לבקרו כיון שראה אותם התחיל לבכות... שיש לפני שני דרכים אחת של גן עדן ואחת של גיהנם ואיני יודע באיזו מוליכים אותי ולא אבכה

Loosely translated:
When Rabbi Yochana ben Zakay became terminally ill, his students came to visit him. When he saw them he began to cry.... (They asked him: "Why are you crying?"... He answered:) There are two paths before me. One path leads to Gan Eden (="heaven") while the other path leads to Gehinnom (="purgatory"), and I do not know on which path I will placed (i.e. end up) on, and I shouldn't cry?

A bit odd that Rabbi Yochanan should be concerned that he may be going to the purgatory. After all, he was a holy Tana, a person who never ceased to toil in Torah. He was after all one of the great sages of the Gemara. Surely he would be placed on the path leading to heaven. So, why did he cry. (Surely this is not a case of misplaced humility.)

To get an idea of why this may have happen we can take a look at the Mishna. The Mishna in Pirkey Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), Chapter 2:9 reads:
הוא היה אומר: אם עשית תורה הרבה אל תחזיק טובה לעצמך כי לכך נוצרת

Loosely translated:
So he (Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakay) would say: if you toiled a lot in Torah, don't keep the benefit to yourself, for that what you've been created for.


Some commentary equates טובה (=benefit) with תורה (Torah). So, the verse can be rendered as:
If you toiled a lot in Torah, don't keep all the Torah to yourself, for that is what you were created for.

In other words, a person who's involved in learning Torah, should disseminate what he/she has learned to others. For all a person knows, this may be very reason he was created.

Since the Mishna uses the term הוא היה אומר (=So he would say) we learn that this Mishna is an intrinsic part of Rabbi Yochanan's essence. In other words, the very essence of Rabbi Yochana be Zakay is to learn Torah in order to teach it to others. With this he was occupied his entire life.

Now comes the time (as described in the Gemera above) that Rabbi Yochana is on his death-bed and his students come to visit him. He sees his students and realizes that he's in no position to teach (since he's very sick). The very reason for his existence can no longer be fulfilled. This is the first time in his life that he's not occupied with Torah, and now he avails himself to think about his own self: his own life, his own achievements, his own accomplishment and what he has not yet achieved. Sort of a soul-accounting (חשבון נפש).

He finds himself crying because he's sincerely concerned that he has not yet fulfilled his purpose and therefore may be placed on the path to the purgatory.

The lesson to be learned here is that no matter how great a person might be (even as great as Rabbi Yochana be Zakay), he/she should always be concerned, lest there is something that he/she are yet to achieve. Particularly in the field of helping others grow and develop to become menches.